Windows 7

This bitch needs a slap.

Music Monday: Patti Boyd

To continue the George Harrison and Eric Clapton theme from last week, this is the beautiful lady who won the hearts of not only Beatle George Harrison but Eric Clapton as well and had four fabulous songs written for her. Apparently both John Lennon and Mick Jagger also fancied a bit too. You can see why, she's a bit of a stunner.

George wrote "I Need You" and "Something" and Eric wrote "Layla" and "Wonderful Tonight". I'm sure you've heard of them!

The whole relationship surrounding these two, George and Eric, is pretty complicated and would make for one huge fabulous late 60's early 70's period drama (why no-one has bothered making something like this for TV I'll never know - I mean, just imagine the soundtrack!).

Now, legend has it, during one atmospheric evening at George's house and to quote Patti from her book:

"George handed him a guitar and an amp - as an 18th century gentleman might have handed his rival a sword - and for two hours, without a word, they duelled.

"At the end, nothing was said but the general feeling was that Eric had won. He hadn't allowed himself to get riled or go in for instrumental gymnastics as George had. Even when he was drunk, his guitar-playing was unbeatable."

How good?! I love reading about stuff like that.

Don't Stop Me Now

Back in 2002/03 time I rediscovered a collection of old cassette tapes hidden away in my house. In amongst the old "Now that's what I call music" double sets and few singles (including the great "Swamp Thing" by The Grid), was Queen's Greatest Hits.

It's an absolutely biblically epic album with such belters as Bohemian Rhapsody, Another One Bites the Dust, Killer Queen, Fat Bottomed Girls, Bicycle Race, You're My Best Friend and of course Don't Stop Me Now. If anything it is perhaps the greatest of greatest hits.

"Oooh" says I, but not in a Mercury esque manner. It might have been. Ok it was.

"I think I might have to give this a bit of a hammering."

It got a quick listen that very night. I was quickly hooked and then, by chance, I was in my mate Keith's Mam's car (A silver J reg escort - it's vivid my memory you know) and we made it all the way through Bicycle Race and You're My Best Friend and then, in a pivotal moment, the Queen track, Don't Stop Me Now blasted out of the Escort's speakers.

I don't know what it was that happened that night. Perhaps the speed we were travelling, the turned up stereo system of Keith's Mam's Ford Escort or simply the elated mood we were in. We'd both just gained our first proper jobs around this time, both of us had gotten seriously into nights out and life was on the up. Don't Stop Me Now obviously rang true with us at the time. For the next few months it became "the" song (amongst a few others I might add).

Now, around this time, Keith and I were regular, almost weekly, visitors to Redcar where we would tour the few bars, get absolutely smashed on Vodka and Red Bull which had just been introduced to the scene and then request songs from who I swear was the absolute double of Ned Flanders. Ned used to DJ in the now closed The Royal pub. The finest, funnest, most ridiculous pub Redcar has ever seen. During this time, I started asking for Queen's Don't Stop Me Now, because we loved it and it always tore the house down. Turns out other people loved it. It was a beautiful happy period of my life.

And then it spread like some disease from bar to bar. It became an essential part of the cheesy DJ's set. I asked for it in Walkabout. I asked for it in Chicago Rock. I asked for it in Aruba. It was played. How we danced. How the others danced. How we threw our hands across an imaginary sky during the line, "like a rocket ship racing through the sky"...

But.

You see.

The thing is, I cannot stand the song now.

Every week, in several of the bars we now go in it's almost guaranteed to be played.

Guaranteed.

"Tonight, I am gonna have myself a real good time..."

Well I am sorry Freddie, Bri and the other two, whatever your names are, but maybe I am not this week. Maybe I am a bit miffed that you get played all the time now during my hazy period on a night out. "Tonig...

No Frederick. Just. No.

And do you know what? It's my fault he gets played every week.

I asked for it every week.

Without fail.

Yes, me.

It was fresh and new and retro back in the early 2000's! It hadn't been played for 25 years! But oh no, I just took it too far. It's now become an essential part of your modern night out now. It's a Walkabout classic. A Chicago Rock floor filler. A downstairs in Aruba nightmare.

I am almost certain, 99% certain infact that I never heard Queen's Don't Stop Me Now in a pub or club before until I asked for it that fateful night in Redcar. A good 3 or 4 years worth of going out from 1999 or so.

So, for this, I apologise.

The next time you hear this Queen "classic" belt out of the speakers in your local cheesy disco please, spare a little thought for me.

Stewart Lee

I attended Stewart Lee's show at the Stockton Arc on Tuesday night. It was, quite simply, sensational.

The show kicked off with Lee introducing warm up act Tony Law who was, after a frighteningly surreal start, quite brilliant in his own unique way. His Zagreb, Croatia story was, quite easily, the highlight of his small set.

After a quick toilet and drink break on came Stewart Lee and within moments, the crowd was drawn in to the world and web of this fantastic story teller. He covered a variety of subjects and there was no point during the act where I once thought, this is a bit boring, uninteresting or uncomfortable.

It was almost as if he was conducting us the audience, as if we were some giant Bach organ that he was playing and in full masterful command of. He was slowly building each of his flowing stories, carefully choosing each word, each pause and each sigh and then increasing the intensity, volume, atmosphere and electricity in the theatre as he continued his act. It really was sheer genius.

His ability to create a repetitive line or key point from something incredibly obscure which can, and does, leave you close to sheer frustration. He continually plays on this during chapters of his performance until you are almost locked in on every word until he reaches a climactic point where finally, he leaves the viewer completely satisfied.

There is no comedian out there today who can do that. If there is I would like to see them.

Music Monday

Here's one of my favourite tracks off one of my favourite albums. This is Savoy Truffle from The Beatles White Album. It's George Harrison's tribute to Eric Clapton's fondness for a particular box of Mackintosh's chocolates and a spot of toothache.

Haynes Arms

I went for tea at the Haynes Arms the other night. Now, beforehand I left a status on Facebook and a guy commented saying how amazing the parmos where. So, as I tend to do, I Googled "Haynes-Arms Parmo".

About 6 or 7 results down was, lo and behold, a Burnley Wallet page. Now, for the uninitiated, this was the old blog that me, my brother and our mate Keith used to run and this result is during mid to late 2005 when the Wallet was at it's peak.

I had a read through and it brought back some amazing memories and some huge laugh out loud moments. Cracking stuff. A particular favourite of mine was the night out that ended with a an old school mate pretending to be a Canadian Ice Hockey player whilst Keith acted as his bodyguard! I don't know why, it's just so random it cracked me up!

Here you go.

Twitter

It's intense isn't it?

I mean one guy I follow, he had 9 posts on the front page when I logged in tonight.

9!

Beatles Rockband

It's great!

Expensive but great.

I paid £149.99 for my big bad ass Beatles Rockband set, rushed home, unwrapped it, played it for a bit and now it's sitting ominously in the corner whilst work and a social life have taken over. Hurrah for me. Well not quite.

I'm a bit miffed at my almost non-existant drumming skills. I know what to do, and can move both arms independently of each other, and in time. Add a third movement, such as a bass pedal for my foot and it all goes a bit wrong! Ringo, you my friend were and still are a genius. Keith Moon however was just something else! I can't imagine trying some of his drum fills.

The sound, presentation and overall feel of the game are sensational. It is second to none. The quality of this product and package I think are brilliant. You do feel as though you really live out the incredible journey the Beatles took in their relatively short career. Even some of the songs have bits I've never even heard before thanks to the remasters being used, particularly noticeable on I'm looking Through You and Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

The songs are an excellent mix, though I was very disappointed by some omissions such as Hey Jude, Let it Be, A Day in the Life and All You Need is Love but I guess too much piano and orchestration led to their cuts.

It does have other downsides though, the microphone for singing has quite a delay so hitting notes 'spot on' when singing is difficult and requires an unnatural amount of singing before you should. Also, the jump from easy to medium is far too high and even the easier songs are far far too hard.

I played Guitar Hero 5 tonight and the feeling of playing an actual instrument is far more prevalent on that than Beatles Rockband. You feel like your nailing the riffs, playing a similar finger movement to what you would on a real guitar. On the Beatles game I feel like I am hitting random notes because they are a bit louder at that point in the song.

As for expert mode. I tried to play While My Guitar Gently Weeps on expert mode and was almost rushed to hospital for a hand transplant. Far far easier and with less movement on a real guitar.

But, whilst continuing the comparison, Guitar Hero 5 is really dirty looking and not a very polished product though I must admit playing as my avatar (complete with aviator sunglasses and pale blue tuxedo) was fantastic. This feature is sadly not available and I have to persist with what I feel is a poor likeness of George Harrison

Anyway, back to to practice the drum solo to The End.

Ringo - you absolute beast!

The Upbeat Glass Smash

The Upbeat Glass Smash is a musical project I've worked on for many years now and I decided to put together my favourite tracks and present them to you here...

The Best of The Upbeat Glass Smash