Don't Stop Me Now

Back in 2002/03 time I rediscovered a collection of old cassette tapes hidden away in my house. In amongst the old "Now that's what I call music" double sets and few singles (including the great "Swamp Thing" by The Grid), was Queen's Greatest Hits.

It's an absolutely biblically epic album with such belters as Bohemian Rhapsody, Another One Bites the Dust, Killer Queen, Fat Bottomed Girls, Bicycle Race, You're My Best Friend and of course Don't Stop Me Now. If anything it is perhaps the greatest of greatest hits.

"Oooh" says I, but not in a Mercury esque manner. It might have been. Ok it was.

"I think I might have to give this a bit of a hammering."

It got a quick listen that very night. I was quickly hooked and then, by chance, I was in my mate Keith's Mam's car (A silver J reg escort - it's vivid my memory you know) and we made it all the way through Bicycle Race and You're My Best Friend and then, in a pivotal moment, the Queen track, Don't Stop Me Now blasted out of the Escort's speakers.

I don't know what it was that happened that night. Perhaps the speed we were travelling, the turned up stereo system of Keith's Mam's Ford Escort or simply the elated mood we were in. We'd both just gained our first proper jobs around this time, both of us had gotten seriously into nights out and life was on the up. Don't Stop Me Now obviously rang true with us at the time. For the next few months it became "the" song (amongst a few others I might add).

Now, around this time, Keith and I were regular, almost weekly, visitors to Redcar where we would tour the few bars, get absolutely smashed on Vodka and Red Bull which had just been introduced to the scene and then request songs from who I swear was the absolute double of Ned Flanders. Ned used to DJ in the now closed The Royal pub. The finest, funnest, most ridiculous pub Redcar has ever seen. During this time, I started asking for Queen's Don't Stop Me Now, because we loved it and it always tore the house down. Turns out other people loved it. It was a beautiful happy period of my life.

And then it spread like some disease from bar to bar. It became an essential part of the cheesy DJ's set. I asked for it in Walkabout. I asked for it in Chicago Rock. I asked for it in Aruba. It was played. How we danced. How the others danced. How we threw our hands across an imaginary sky during the line, "like a rocket ship racing through the sky"...

But.

You see.

The thing is, I cannot stand the song now.

Every week, in several of the bars we now go in it's almost guaranteed to be played.

Guaranteed.

"Tonight, I am gonna have myself a real good time..."

Well I am sorry Freddie, Bri and the other two, whatever your names are, but maybe I am not this week. Maybe I am a bit miffed that you get played all the time now during my hazy period on a night out. "Tonig...

No Frederick. Just. No.

And do you know what? It's my fault he gets played every week.

I asked for it every week.

Without fail.

Yes, me.

It was fresh and new and retro back in the early 2000's! It hadn't been played for 25 years! But oh no, I just took it too far. It's now become an essential part of your modern night out now. It's a Walkabout classic. A Chicago Rock floor filler. A downstairs in Aruba nightmare.

I am almost certain, 99% certain infact that I never heard Queen's Don't Stop Me Now in a pub or club before until I asked for it that fateful night in Redcar. A good 3 or 4 years worth of going out from 1999 or so.

So, for this, I apologise.

The next time you hear this Queen "classic" belt out of the speakers in your local cheesy disco please, spare a little thought for me.

Stewart Lee

I attended Stewart Lee's show at the Stockton Arc on Tuesday night. It was, quite simply, sensational.

The show kicked off with Lee introducing warm up act Tony Law who was, after a frighteningly surreal start, quite brilliant in his own unique way. His Zagreb, Croatia story was, quite easily, the highlight of his small set.

After a quick toilet and drink break on came Stewart Lee and within moments, the crowd was drawn in to the world and web of this fantastic story teller. He covered a variety of subjects and there was no point during the act where I once thought, this is a bit boring, uninteresting or uncomfortable.

It was almost as if he was conducting us the audience, as if we were some giant Bach organ that he was playing and in full masterful command of. He was slowly building each of his flowing stories, carefully choosing each word, each pause and each sigh and then increasing the intensity, volume, atmosphere and electricity in the theatre as he continued his act. It really was sheer genius.

His ability to create a repetitive line or key point from something incredibly obscure which can, and does, leave you close to sheer frustration. He continually plays on this during chapters of his performance until you are almost locked in on every word until he reaches a climactic point where finally, he leaves the viewer completely satisfied.

There is no comedian out there today who can do that. If there is I would like to see them.

Horsing About

Sunday's Bank Holiday night out not only saw me turned away from The Arena for having no ID but also doing a ridiculous horse impression...

A Horse Outside Binns from Peter Heaney on Vimeo.

The Arena, Middlesbrough

Me and mate Keith arrived here nice and early last night to boogie on down, enjoy a few more drinks and have a good time. However, it seems that Nazis have taken over and following a long wait in the queue they demanded to see everybody's ID. We didn't have any and that was that, fun over. It was over the top in my opinion and a very disappointing end to the night.

We ended the night in Chicago Rock Cafe.

Truly awful.

Old at 26

Ouch! It was a like a punch to the stomach entering the world of Middlesbrough pub, "The Crown" last night.

I'd heard plenty of people mention "The Crown on a Monday" but never gave it a shot until last night.

Dear me. I was easily one of the oldest in there and it hurt my pride quite a bit!

Still, £1.50 a drink, a top laugh and some serious amounts of clunge.

I shall have to go more often.

Altercation Last Night

Albert Road, Middlesbrough. Scum absolutely everywhere, pizza shops full and parmos selling out! As we wondered up Albert Road, this lass is getting some grief or dishing it out to this young coloured chap. Dizzee Rascal as my mate Keith called him later.

She smashed his head off a car and then he speared her in to some shutters before launching a blistering 1-2 combination that didn't even phase her! She was a big old girl and hard as nails!

It made me ashamed of the shit-hole I live in that the police took about ten minutes for them to come and sort anything out. They were stood about 15 yards away (near Flares) and everyone seemed to get a bit of a kick out of it. I suppose it's a scene seen everywhere in today's Booze Britain. The highlight for me was that she called him a paedophile! But he clearly wasn't, as he did not have NHS glasses on or a beard.

Bonkers.

Pete's Birthday

Had a cracking time at Pete's birthday last night including an impromptu dance along to Rolf Harris's superb Court of King Caractacus. Much like this...



Great fun and Happy Birthday again to Pete, it was a quality night out.