Don't Stop Me Now

Back in 2002/03 time I rediscovered a collection of old cassette tapes hidden away in my house. In amongst the old "Now that's what I call music" double sets and few singles (including the great "Swamp Thing" by The Grid), was Queen's Greatest Hits.

It's an absolutely biblically epic album with such belters as Bohemian Rhapsody, Another One Bites the Dust, Killer Queen, Fat Bottomed Girls, Bicycle Race, You're My Best Friend and of course Don't Stop Me Now. If anything it is perhaps the greatest of greatest hits.

"Oooh" says I, but not in a Mercury esque manner. It might have been. Ok it was.

"I think I might have to give this a bit of a hammering."

It got a quick listen that very night. I was quickly hooked and then, by chance, I was in my mate Keith's Mam's car (A silver J reg escort - it's vivid my memory you know) and we made it all the way through Bicycle Race and You're My Best Friend and then, in a pivotal moment, the Queen track, Don't Stop Me Now blasted out of the Escort's speakers.

I don't know what it was that happened that night. Perhaps the speed we were travelling, the turned up stereo system of Keith's Mam's Ford Escort or simply the elated mood we were in. We'd both just gained our first proper jobs around this time, both of us had gotten seriously into nights out and life was on the up. Don't Stop Me Now obviously rang true with us at the time. For the next few months it became "the" song (amongst a few others I might add).

Now, around this time, Keith and I were regular, almost weekly, visitors to Redcar where we would tour the few bars, get absolutely smashed on Vodka and Red Bull which had just been introduced to the scene and then request songs from who I swear was the absolute double of Ned Flanders. Ned used to DJ in the now closed The Royal pub. The finest, funnest, most ridiculous pub Redcar has ever seen. During this time, I started asking for Queen's Don't Stop Me Now, because we loved it and it always tore the house down. Turns out other people loved it. It was a beautiful happy period of my life.

And then it spread like some disease from bar to bar. It became an essential part of the cheesy DJ's set. I asked for it in Walkabout. I asked for it in Chicago Rock. I asked for it in Aruba. It was played. How we danced. How the others danced. How we threw our hands across an imaginary sky during the line, "like a rocket ship racing through the sky"...

But.

You see.

The thing is, I cannot stand the song now.

Every week, in several of the bars we now go in it's almost guaranteed to be played.

Guaranteed.

"Tonight, I am gonna have myself a real good time..."

Well I am sorry Freddie, Bri and the other two, whatever your names are, but maybe I am not this week. Maybe I am a bit miffed that you get played all the time now during my hazy period on a night out. "Tonig...

No Frederick. Just. No.

And do you know what? It's my fault he gets played every week.

I asked for it every week.

Without fail.

Yes, me.

It was fresh and new and retro back in the early 2000's! It hadn't been played for 25 years! But oh no, I just took it too far. It's now become an essential part of your modern night out now. It's a Walkabout classic. A Chicago Rock floor filler. A downstairs in Aruba nightmare.

I am almost certain, 99% certain infact that I never heard Queen's Don't Stop Me Now in a pub or club before until I asked for it that fateful night in Redcar. A good 3 or 4 years worth of going out from 1999 or so.

So, for this, I apologise.

The next time you hear this Queen "classic" belt out of the speakers in your local cheesy disco please, spare a little thought for me.

Haynes Arms

I went for tea at the Haynes Arms the other night. Now, beforehand I left a status on Facebook and a guy commented saying how amazing the parmos where. So, as I tend to do, I Googled "Haynes-Arms Parmo".

About 6 or 7 results down was, lo and behold, a Burnley Wallet page. Now, for the uninitiated, this was the old blog that me, my brother and our mate Keith used to run and this result is during mid to late 2005 when the Wallet was at it's peak.

I had a read through and it brought back some amazing memories and some huge laugh out loud moments. Cracking stuff. A particular favourite of mine was the night out that ended with a an old school mate pretending to be a Canadian Ice Hockey player whilst Keith acted as his bodyguard! I don't know why, it's just so random it cracked me up!

Here you go.

Sheff Wed vs. Middlesbrough

On Tuesday the 15th, me and good friends Keith, Chris and Rob took a trip down to Sheffield for Middlesbrough's away game.

It was fantastic! We enjoyed the great pubs, a gourmet burger, plenty of beer, Rob doing chin ups on a grab-rail on a tram, a great game of pool and some truly appalling Hillsborough disaster comments/songs. Best of all though was the 3-1 victory for Middlesbrough!

Actually no, best of all was raving in the back seat of the car on the way home with Rob to songs like this...



On third thought the very best thing was writing poor Rob's mobile number on the back of a betting coupon and asking him to put it in the gents. I still don't think he clicked on that it was his number!

Photo evidence...

Horsing About

Sunday's Bank Holiday night out not only saw me turned away from The Arena for having no ID but also doing a ridiculous horse impression...

A Horse Outside Binns from Peter Heaney on Vimeo.

Noel Gallagher Leaves Oasis

Well, it finally came to this. Noel Gallagher walking out on Oasis after one row too many with brother Liam.

Well I'm glad to say I did get to see them last year at one of the opening shows of this tour, in Sheffield. It was a great gig, though the seats we were in were rather shit, to be fair but still that communal sing-along is one great feeling and experience.

People might slag them off and say they should have packed in after What's the Story. To me that is people following the 'cool' opinion. And, I disagree with it. For me, all of their albums have been fantastic.

I know, they didn't 'crack the USA' and they're bickering/arrogance filled the papers but so what? They were a truly great, massive, iconic band who produced some of the finest songs ever made. They sold millions of records, set records and defined an era.

Oasis have also provided me many happy memories, lots of singalongs in particular one that stands out is singing Don't Look Back in Anger at Pete's stag do; five or six of us arm in arm in a crowded nightclub in Nottingham.

So, for all the joy they've brought me and no doubt will in hopefully future solo projects or a Noel-less Oasis (who can picture that? Not me.) I say thank you for the good times...

Chai-Yo Thai Massage Parlour, Krakow

I mentioned the Thai Massage Parlour in an earlier post the other day. Well here's a little story for you all...

It was the Thursday afternoon of a five day long trip (Tuesday to Saturday). It was around about 3pm and we (me and my mate Keith) were both pretty leathered - merely topping up the previous days over the top binge with some seriously strong lager. We both sat blurry eyed wondering what to do next as yet another drink seemed a bit of a challenge.

"Well I don't know about you Keith but I want a massage. Can we get one?" I shouted. "Like now?"

"But Mikey you don't even know where the friggin' place is."

"Yeah, it's on the map. Here, look!"

The free tourist map from the hotel was our pride and joy on this trip. Krakow is almost as mazey as Amsterdam. So off we went with our tails up (not a euphemism) and we stopped a taxi.

It took forever. It was absolutely miles away.

We finally got there and were greeted with what can only be described as the biggest front door you've ever seen.

"I am a tad scared pal!"

I hesitantly pressed the button on the intercom and was greeted in Polish.

"Errr yeah, it's Mikey Heaney and Keith Groves here, we've come for the massage, can we come in?"

It creeked open and I thought I would be greeted by about 6 or 7 burly former bare knuckle boxers. But no, I was met by a young Polish girl. This looked promising!!

I quickly explained why we there - for massages of course! But as I garbled through the beer, I hadn't heard her say that they were full until 4pm tomorrow. Keith had!

I asked again, this time not slurring my words...

"Mikey they haven't got any room for ya, you thick cunt!" (We have the utmost respect for each other.)

At which point I let out the biggest "Nooooooooooooo!!!" this side of Darth Vader!

Anyway, I finally, tonight, got round to Googling the Chai Yo Thai Massage Parlour and do you know what I visited the websites gallery and found this guy...



It was almost guaranteed that this Bruce Lee wannabe was going to massage me within an inch of my life and then ask if I wanted any extras.

Well, I wasn't sticking around to get to know his Fist of Fury!

Here's the link...click!

Altercation Last Night

Albert Road, Middlesbrough. Scum absolutely everywhere, pizza shops full and parmos selling out! As we wondered up Albert Road, this lass is getting some grief or dishing it out to this young coloured chap. Dizzee Rascal as my mate Keith called him later.

She smashed his head off a car and then he speared her in to some shutters before launching a blistering 1-2 combination that didn't even phase her! She was a big old girl and hard as nails!

It made me ashamed of the shit-hole I live in that the police took about ten minutes for them to come and sort anything out. They were stood about 15 yards away (near Flares) and everyone seemed to get a bit of a kick out of it. I suppose it's a scene seen everywhere in today's Booze Britain. The highlight for me was that she called him a paedophile! But he clearly wasn't, as he did not have NHS glasses on or a beard.

Bonkers.

Mysterious White Balloon

Whilst in Krakow, from the hotel room window we could see a mysterious white balloon. Anyway, I finally decided to check out what it was.

It turns out it is a tethered hot air balloon which you can go up on and check out the cities marvellous views. I wish I'd gone on it now and not got that taxi across the city looking for a Thai massage parlour!

Pete's Birthday

Had a cracking time at Pete's birthday last night including an impromptu dance along to Rolf Harris's superb Court of King Caractacus. Much like this...



Great fun and Happy Birthday again to Pete, it was a quality night out.