It was the Thursday afternoon of a five day long trip (Tuesday to Saturday). It was around about 3pm and we (me and my mate Keith) were both pretty leathered - merely topping up the previous days over the top binge with some seriously strong lager. We both sat blurry eyed wondering what to do next as yet another drink seemed a bit of a challenge.
"Well I don't know about you Keith but I want a massage. Can we get one?" I shouted. "Like now?"
"But Mikey you don't even know where the friggin' place is."
"Yeah, it's on the map. Here, look!"
The free tourist map from the hotel was our pride and joy on this trip. Krakow is almost as mazey as Amsterdam. So off we went with our tails up (not a euphemism) and we stopped a taxi.
It took forever. It was absolutely miles away.
We finally got there and were greeted with what can only be described as the biggest front door you've ever seen.
"I am a tad scared pal!"
I hesitantly pressed the button on the intercom and was greeted in Polish.
"Errr yeah, it's Mikey Heaney and Keith Groves here, we've come for the massage, can we come in?"
It creeked open and I thought I would be greeted by about 6 or 7 burly former bare knuckle boxers. But no, I was met by a young Polish girl. This looked promising!!
I quickly explained why we there - for massages of course! But as I garbled through the beer, I hadn't heard her say that they were full until 4pm tomorrow. Keith had!
I asked again, this time not slurring my words...
"Mikey they haven't got any room for ya, you thick cunt!" (We have the utmost respect for each other.)
At which point I let out the biggest "Nooooooooooooo!!!" this side of Darth Vader!
Anyway, I finally, tonight, got round to Googling the Chai Yo Thai Massage Parlour and do you know what I visited the websites gallery and found this guy...
It was almost guaranteed that this Bruce Lee wannabe was going to massage me within an inch of my life and then ask if I wanted any extras.
Well, I wasn't sticking around to get to know his Fist of Fury!
Here's the link...click!
